Some Holiday Rants

Damn, 7 more days and a month of my first semester’s holiday is over.

Holiday, as in staying at home with my laptop plus the Internet. Oh, and Fallout 3. I’ve completed the game and all five DLCs and all that’s left is to uninstall the game to save space for other games.

Not that I’m an anti-social, though. I did hang out with some friends for a “farewell fun” with *ahem* my ex *ahem* because she’s departing to Germany to pursue her med degree today. Good luck to you.

Which made me think, why aren’t I worried with my life when everyone seems to be overly concerned with theirs?

Happiness

Happiness is when people greet you when they see you. Happiness is when people call you and ask you to hang out with them. Happiness is when people come to your funeral to mourn and cry for you when you die.

— A friend

(This week’s post is a quote. I’m still figuring out how to expand it into a post because, believe me, expanding this quote into a proper post is what burdens me the whole week.)

Buddies Addiction

Note: this post is not intended to offend any particular individual or group.

If you are the kind of person who don’t… I mean, can’t (stress pause here) hang out with too many people, e.g. a reserved person, like me, you are likely to be caught in what I would call a “buddies addiction”.

That is more or less the same as drug addiction or cigarette addiction, but replace the drug or cigarette with buddies or friends.

It’s one of those things, you know, you got lost in a completely new environment which you would be stuck in it for quite a long time, surrounded by new people you hadn’t known or even seen before, and you were forced to introduce yourself to them and, well, get along with them. Eventually, you would be stuck with only a few guys in which you got acquainted with, and within a few weeks they became your so-called friends.

Maybe they could be the kind of friends that you’d enjoy to be with. But if you weren’t so lucky, you would be forced by yourself to hang out with them more than you would with everyone else, and you were always together like a group of gay men. When you hung out or had lunch together, you talked shits (sometimes even quite literally) that you realized were stupid and immature, but you laughed. It was fun at the time you talked about them, but then when you go home, you would feel awkward because you would realize how childish the talk was, and your laugh was merely fake.

Sometimes you would feel guilty if you didn’t hang out with them, but that was not because you were afraid to disappoint them, but because you were afraid that they would leave you for… betrayal, so to speak, and then be left with the infamous curse of forever alone; no friends, just alone.

And sometimes you separated yourself from them and thought about the fact that you wanted to get off of them and hang out with other cool guys who have a lot of friends and talk more mature stuff, but you would feel you were not good enough for them and fell that you were, in fact, just the same as your pack of friends. Then the fear of being ignored and be talked behind your back creeped in your mind.

So you went back to your pack of friends.

Well, maybe most parts of the above are too subjective (I admit it, I was talking about no other than myself), but the point is the addiction I mentioned. You are stuck with the “thing” in which you wanted to get off of it, but you can’t because you can’t live without it. In this case, friends.

I know it sounds kind of selfish because it does. And I hate it for that. I often wish for figures of friends (or a girlfriend) like those in the novels or movies, where you could share a lot of things with each other, talk a real talk, laugh a real laugh. Or you could go around the world together and be friends for life. You wish for everyone to act as if their world is for you only.

But I realize that the world doesn’t work that way—you can’t always expect things to work the way you wanted. That sucks, yeah, but what can I do? People have their own lives anyway.

Maybe I shouldn’t complain and instead try to make it fun like sipping freaking heroin and be addicted to it (though I’ve never done that, seriously)? Or in a more positive sense, be grateful for the friends I have and start to enjoy hanging out with them, whoever they are? Yeah, maybe. It’s foolish of me to complain about my friends—while pretending to ignore the fact that I am not better than them.

But then again, it may be one of my bad traits: I can’t seem to accept the world the way it is.

I wonder if other people experience this odd kind of addiction too?

So I Watched a Gig…

As I posted yesterday, I am going to make watching the Secondhand Serenade gig at Sabuga Hall in Bandung with my brother as my Post a Week for this week (without the intention of showing off whatsoever).

We got our space in the front lines of the crowd, but we stood behind some taller guys who blocked our view of the stage (I, myself, had very little view of John Vesely). I managed to take some pics with my pocket camera because we were not allowed to bring professional cameras  (the ticket said so, but then I found out that most of the crowd brought SLRs to the gig), but with low lighting and a pocket camera with very limited capabilities, what could I expect?

And here are some pics I took (I picked the ones that are not as crappy as the rest).

Secondhand Serenade after performing “You and I”.
John Vesely with the lead guitarist in the background.
This is the camera of the guy that was blocking my view. Most of the time I watched the performance through his (and anyone else’s) camera LCD.
John Vesely performing “Reach for the Sky” on piano.
Performing their final song: a cover for Coldplay’s “Fix You”.

So there they are. I have uploaded a select set on Flickr, but I keep the rest in my personal library.

P.S. I find posting with pictures fun. I might add some pictures to my future posts to spice them up.

Miscellaneous Bla Bla Bla’s

I haven’t really got the spirit to post something in the last couple of days. You see, I’m still having that particular issue and still figuring out how to take care of it. For that exact reason, I’m glad I picked Post a Week for the challenge!

Speaking of which, tomorrow is when my weekly post is due. I’ll be posting my Saturday night fun with my brother at Sabuga: watching Secondhand Serenade concert!

Stay tuned for the pics (if you care).

Evil of Laziness, Begone!

I have, at last, defeated the devil of procrastination and finished my term paper!

It turns out awful by the way. So awful that I don’t dare to proofread it to review and correct mistakes. But whatever, I don’t care in the least. Big deal. The thing is that it’s finished. Period.

Maybe next time I’ll befriend the aforementioned devil so that he would work for me and help me do my future assignments instead of keeping me away from it.

Procrastination

I should be doing my term paper right now since the deadline is in three-days time, but instead of that I decided to blog about how lazy I am doing it. Just so you know that I declared myself as the King of Procrastination a few years back.

Often times when I ordered my brain to do my assignments, I would sit with my notebook on my lap, then I would open my word-processing application and then start typing random stuff on the screen like “niuawbviuabs” or “ewoiaoisv” or more proper sentences like “my lecturer is an ass” before switching into—not the assignment, but—the web-browser and embarking onto the ultimate journey of the guilty Internet pleasure. Before I knew it, hours would pass, and my eyes would half-close; a sign that I should be retreating to the realm of bed softness and blanket warmness, and I would let myself succumb into the irresistible temptation. No, I didn’t forget about the assignment—it was much worse than that: I ignored it. And when the deadline approached, my stomach would churn and twist like a crazy rollercoaster, thinking about my desperate unfinished assignment.

And I think that exact same process is happening to me again.

Hmm… I’m going to try something. I will close my eyes and wish for the assignment to finish by itself by the time I open them. I’m doing it now.

It’s still not finished—crap. Oh well, I’ll just finish the paper then… Tomorrow.

Commitment Issues

I always have some issues in keeping commitment in almost anything, the biggest being too lazy to keep it going. For example, I love photography, but my spirit in it were only high in the first two months I got my first DSLR. I used to go out to randomly shoot people and things, admiring the pictures myself before uploading some of them immediately to my deviantArt gallery. But soon, I stopped doing that almost completely, and I let my poor, little DSLR dusting sadly inside the camera bag.

For me, that’s a big issue since if I keep doing the do-it-then-stop-it commitment in a larger scale, it would be catastrophic (I’m talking about marriage-scale commitments).

But then I stumbled upon The Daily Post and discovered the Post a Day/Post a Week challenge, in which people who participate in it have to post something in their blog either every day or every week—their choice. And then I thought, oh wow, that would be a good therapy for me to get over my commitment problem. As what they say, “face your fears, live your dreams” (just substitute “fears” with “problems”).

I decided to participate in it, particularly the Post a Week because it will be much easier and less time-consuming. I don’t feel quite ready for Post a Day anyway. The important thing is to keep the posts coming, right?

So from this post on, I will dedicate one post every week for this challenge. We’ll see if I can manage through this therapy.

Wish me luck!

Thoughts About Life-Journaling

I was just blogwalking around teh interwebz, reading people’s blogs so seriously that I even made a tea to accompany me reading them from their most recent to their first ever post.

And then I realized how über-awesomely cool it is and it will be by having a personal blog.

You know, it’s like this: you write about something right now, spill everything that comes to your mind, and you post it on your blog. And you do the same thing again the next day—this time you post it with some pictures, and then the next week with some videos, then the next year with miscellaneous things attached.

Before you know it, you would have been blogging for ten years, journaling every single piece of your life in that time span. And then you would dig up the blog’s archives and reread your first time ever posts while reminiscing your good, ol’ past. You would smile at how silly you were back in those days, then on another post, you would cry at how desperate you were in the past.

As you grow older you would tell your children and grandchildren about your blog, showing them the posts you made when you were at their age. Then you would know how big the differences were between the life of your generation and theirs.

And perhaps you would eventually realize the true meaning of life itself.

Well, perhaps I’ve over-thought, but what I’m trying to say is that blogging is a fun thing to do! I’m going to write as much as I possibly can to document my own life in this blog.

So I’m going to treat this blog more as a journal, while maintaining my all-cute Tumblr more as a bowl for thought-spilling.