I’ve been feeling really strange recently about myself.
Not strange as in ill or something like that. It has something to do with one of my negative characteristic: I’m neurotic.
Yes, it’s like one of those traits in The Sims 3 where your Sim freaks out about just about anything.
Like when I was playing video games, for example. I like to play this football video game with my younger brother on my laptop. Playing video games is supposed to be a fun activity, right? I mean playing the game while laughing, the video game you’re playing is just as, well, a fun activity, not the whole point. For me, I take the video game as a big deal. The whole time we were playing the game, it was just simply silent. We just focused on the game. And here’s the bad thing: when I conceded a goal or lost the game, I simply went uncontrollably nuts. I might slam the controller (I even once broke one into pieces), I might hit the wall hard with my fist, I might pull my own hair; it’s just like I suddenly hate everything, and I want to destroy everything like that was going to make a difference. But like I said, they were all uncontrollable when they happened. My brother? Well, I just couldn’t see his face seeing me like that.
After the game (and after my temper cooled down), I questioned my own sanity. I was ashamed and regretted for having destroyed the whole fun. I wished I didn’t have to do all that.
Yet when we played the game again the next day, the same thing happened again.
Maybe you’re suggesting that I shouldn’t do all that and change, but, really, it isn’t as easy as that. If you know about mood swings you know exactly what I mean.
I’ve been praying for a change, though, but does that actually help?